Yep but at this point, it's REALLY obvious that it's Byte's doing
Kiryiza
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A member registered Dec 20, 2020
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I absolutely LOVED this VN to my core. The characters are lovable and nicely written, it is plain beautiful and would love to see what will come next of it. I do hope I get to see more from you and this beautiful VN you curated. I never cared for the characters more than I did with this VN. I genuinely cared and hoped for the best.
SPOILERS:
I actually bawled my eyes out, worried sick about Aaron but I am just so damn glad everything went well... Of course, there's still more to unpack - we still have Plaster in the slums, we finally got to see the Queen and absolutely fell in love by her motherly care for Aaron, and what was the situation is in the surface and how they'll solve the problems brimming in the slums. I am interested in how these will be tackled with in the future.
Thank you for this wonderful experience of a VN and I am excited to see more from it in the future! Much love!
No pressure! Just do things in your own pace. You'll get a hang of it and considering it is your first time writing a VN, you're doing already great from what I can tell! With just a few refinements, you're VN will be good! Good luck with your VN and, most importantly, have fun! I cannot wait for more
The story so far is interesting and your idea of having multiple protagonist is definitely intriguing and I am excited for how you will execute this at a later date. It even had me jump out of my sit when a... certain choice was displayed in front of me (made me remind my time playing Doki-Doki Literature Club). Another time was with the references. I certainly did not expect those kinds of references to be laid out like that (made me almost choke on my drink when a certain reference to a certain horror VN was played). I have to be critical at some parts though.
First off, the fourth-wall breaks lathered at some parts of the narration. Though most of the time it's okay - especially in a comedic setting - other times, it's bad for the story considering, I'm guessing, this VN handles a more serious route than a comedic one. For me, it ruins my immersion of the game having Reynald addresses me so casually as if he knows I am actually there with him, playing as him. Scares me even. I am not sure if this is some kind of quirky characteristic he only has and if so, I don't mind it, but if not, then I recommend removing it and having do so in a... narrative way? Just in any way that is not fourth-wall breaking
Lastly, show, don't tell. Having the narrator outright tell me directly what their background was, who a certain character is to them, and etc., it's weird. This also ties with my first critique. It's just weird for the narrator to just directly tell certain information as if there was someone listening inside their mind that needs to know this certain information. I mean, granted, that is true, I most definitely want to know more about them and their relationships with the other characters but I most prefer it done in a way without outright telling me what it is. For example, if you want a character to show that he's brothers with a certain character, instead of directly telling us that they're brothers, do it in a way that expresses and shows that they're like brothers. Like, let them address each other like brothers or have them do brotherly things. Hint them as brothers instead of outright telling us so. Show, don't tell.
Other than that, I am interested to know more of the story and the route you'll take for this VN. I'll be tuning in and waiting for anymore developments and updates from you!
For those wondering what choices you must choose to get the secret route, here's the way, SPOILERS, obviously:
This begins when Arrow asks us, Wesley, if we are going to come along him, outside Dewhurst and into the Capitol. This is the timed choices between "I need more time" and "I can't." What you need to do is to NOT choose any of the choices and let the timer run.
Next, you are then given three set of choices after Wesley goes unconscious trying his best to help his bleeding father. You must choose accordingly: "Fine..." when he mentions about his dad's wellbeing to himself, "I don't know." when he asks if all of this was his fault, and "Focus on the past." when he asks how he can fix all of this.
That should do it. An unknown being will then ask us if this was what we wanted and hopes that we can find relief as we then play an imitation of what Wesley's life could have played out with the absence of the mysterious accident, a life that is now well beyond our reach.
You can refill your canteen (If it is low) and forage for meal (If you have no more rations) by clicking the river which you can see in the left side of the travel hub screen (Next to the large tree that Macsen is resting upon). The travel hub screen is the scene where you can choose to talk with one of your party members during the night, gives you the time to check your inventory, or just sleep if you don't feel like talking. (It always appear before a day ends).
Hope this helps!
In my own playthrough where I focused all of my full attention in developing P and Storm's relationship, (1) I go to the tailor and (1.1) donate P's clothes to make new ones for Storm. After donating P's clothes, Storm's house would now be available to go to but for the story's sake and that it would leave a much more impact in the story, I don't do that yet. (2) I go to the park and (2.1) let P spend time with Storm. (3) I then go to library and (3.1) let P read fictional books instead of the nonfictional ones since Storm is seen eyeing up the fictional books only to look away once (I think) P saw him doing so. (4) I then go to the archeological sight and (4.1) have diner. After that, (5) I go to Storm's house and talk with his mother. There would be no choice given to you in that location. Next and I think is the last one, (6) I go to the pond and (6.1) let P talk with Storm. There would be a change of dialogue once you thoroughly develop the two's relationship where (SPOILERS: If you focused all of your full attention in developing their relationship, Storm would see P as someone he can trust and tell the exact and true reason as to how he was drained in the pond. The true reason being that his own mother was the one that drowned him. If you haven't develop their relationship, he'll lie and instead say that it was just some bullies that did it.) I don't know the exact day for the hot springs event but if you develop their relationship before that happens, dialogues would change and more interaction between them would happen.
In that whole playthrough, no lore was discovered but let's face it, it was all worth it in the end having to see this relationship between one another develop into something much more cute and much more intimate.